Ruby had another eye surgery last Thursday to trim the shunt, which was put in to drain the pressure. Glaucoma makes they eye bigger, so once the pressure drains it shrunk back down causing the shunt to be too long, irritating the cornea. I don't know if this helped cause the cloudiness to the cornea, but I can tell you that I remember watching the change. It was right after the first cataract surgery. The left eye was worse than the right and I remember talking to my brother on the phone and saying, "it's like I can't even see a pupil anymore." Weirdest and scariest thing to see knowing something's not right. That's when we found out about the glaucoma. 

Surgery Thursday went really well. Ruby bounced back and she's already opening her eye more...as if it was uncomfortable because the shunt was irritating. Poor thing. It's so hard to find things out that are going on and only to realize that, "well, duh, that's why she wasn't opening her eye very much!"

We are on two drops (4x/day) right now and have seen the dr. twice since surgery. He said everything looks good and he wanted to see us in two weeks. I asked him what we were looking at further out. I hate the wrap up with nothing for me to anticipate. I need time frames. He then said he wants to get an ultrasound (no anesthesia required) done from a specialist that does that right in his office. He wants to make sure there is no odd shaping going on in the back of the eye. Then we'll follow up in 4-6 weeks and if there is no clearing of the cornea go to a cornea specialist to talk about a cornea transplant. (Insert where I ask for faith and fasting and prayers) We have 4-6 weeks and I know anything can happen in such a short time frame. I do know she can see out of that eye. When we patched it, it's very obvious.  Thank heavens for tender mercies. Just the fact that I know she can see out if it, even if I don't know how much. And the fact that the low pressure and the shortened shunt make it totally possible to clear up the cornea. It's almost like her vision , even with the cloudy cornea has gotten better, though. She is the smiliest thing and I know it's because she can see who and what is going on more!  I am hopeful. I am scared if I go back and have him say the words referring us away, but it'll all be ok. And I have comfort in me knowing that.

Life is good.

I am constantly tripping over these two step stools and out if frustration putting them back into the rooms they belong in. It occurred to me today as I stubbed my left pinky toe, that I don't want it any other way.  These two step stools are pulled into the room at any given point  by one or two of three kids who just want to see and play with Ruby. It doesn't matter if she's sleeping or awake, this little household celebrity gets midget visitors all day long. As soon as she wakes up, I hear, "yay, Ruby!" and "can I hold her?" She's perfection in their eyes.

 I realized that although I will do whatever it takes to make her life easier, her life is perfect. She's my beautiful baby and she's perfect. I am constantly praying for her and for Heavenly Father to help heal her ailments, and know he can, but if it isn't supposed to happen in this life, that's ok. I wasn't ok with that before. While I can't wait for her to have perfect eyesight, I am in love with her little pirate eye and the way she has to turn extra hard while on her stomach to appease her curiosity of what's going on.

And while she has low upper tone and may not sit up just yet, I get to have a cuddly baby that snuggles into the crook of my neck for just a bit longer this time until she's ready to move around on her own. And as my last baby, I relish those cuddles as much as I want her to get strong and be more independent. I love her so much it hurts. And now that she has tubes in her ears, the instant she can hear you coming, HUGE smiles for days. I am in love with this smiley baby and want her to know, as hard as life has been, I wouldn't have it any other way and I know she doesn't know any different.

 She's made our family better. Our kids are different. I have seen a love and tenderness come out of each one of them, that I have never witnessed before Ruby. I am different. I have a deeper understanding of life and the joy it brings. Nathan has had a better understanding of all of this from day one. He has been my rock and I am starting to see his positive perspective. Its been so hard, but I am happy, and I have my baby that I get to cuddle, and she's perfect and I love her, no matter what.