Life is good.

I am constantly tripping over these two step stools and out if frustration putting them back into the rooms they belong in. It occurred to me today as I stubbed my left pinky toe, that I don't want it any other way.  These two step stools are pulled into the room at any given point  by one or two of three kids who just want to see and play with Ruby. It doesn't matter if she's sleeping or awake, this little household celebrity gets midget visitors all day long. As soon as she wakes up, I hear, "yay, Ruby!" and "can I hold her?" She's perfection in their eyes.

 I realized that although I will do whatever it takes to make her life easier, her life is perfect. She's my beautiful baby and she's perfect. I am constantly praying for her and for Heavenly Father to help heal her ailments, and know he can, but if it isn't supposed to happen in this life, that's ok. I wasn't ok with that before. While I can't wait for her to have perfect eyesight, I am in love with her little pirate eye and the way she has to turn extra hard while on her stomach to appease her curiosity of what's going on.

And while she has low upper tone and may not sit up just yet, I get to have a cuddly baby that snuggles into the crook of my neck for just a bit longer this time until she's ready to move around on her own. And as my last baby, I relish those cuddles as much as I want her to get strong and be more independent. I love her so much it hurts. And now that she has tubes in her ears, the instant she can hear you coming, HUGE smiles for days. I am in love with this smiley baby and want her to know, as hard as life has been, I wouldn't have it any other way and I know she doesn't know any different.

 She's made our family better. Our kids are different. I have seen a love and tenderness come out of each one of them, that I have never witnessed before Ruby. I am different. I have a deeper understanding of life and the joy it brings. Nathan has had a better understanding of all of this from day one. He has been my rock and I am starting to see his positive perspective. Its been so hard, but I am happy, and I have my baby that I get to cuddle, and she's perfect and I love her, no matter what.